


Assistant Parad

by Anonymous



Category: Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Gen, Parad an office job isn't a game, that's not gonna stop him from from going all out on boring assitant work, they also go to mcdonalds for a bit if thats your thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 23:37:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21169772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Nico wants to go to a gaming tournament and gets Parad to fill in as Taiga's assistant. Taiga, of course, was not paying attention when she told him this. Parad is Very Excited to fill Nico's shoes and work with Taiga, regardless of Taiga's attitude to the surprise replacement.written for the Not So Zeronos Autumn 2019 exchange (aka Jokusatsu)





	Assistant Parad

**Author's Note:**

  * For [neckspike](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neckspike/gifts).

> I never watched any of the Ex-Aid side content bc i got distracted by ultraman so hope this is good

“Hey Taiga.” Nico was tapping away at her phone, only half heartedly attempting to get her doctor friend’s attention. When he didn’t respond, she pestered again with identical effort. “Hey Taiga, Hey Taiga, Hey Taiga, Hey Taiga, Hey Tai-”

Taiga didn’t turn from his computer, but shot an annoyed “_Yes, Nico?”_ Since getting his doctor’s license back, he had a _lot_ of paperwork to do, and that always took too long for Nico to care for. All the more time to play games. Yeah, she _was_ his assistant, but she had other important things to do.

Like a gaming tournament. A very important gaming tournament. THE most important tournament in her life. That was tomorrow. “I’ve got big tomorrow, so I won’t be in to assist you.” She tapped at her phone, currently more focused on her game. She was certain someone like Taiga could figure out what was going down, even with his stack of work. It’s not like she had the date circled on the calendar for the last three weeks.

“You filled out for the day off, right?” It was more of him asking if she’d done the necessary work to book the day off than inquiring about her plans. She didn’t really plan on sticking around to tell him anyway, since the clock hit five, signaling her time off for the night.

Nico spun her chair around, jumping up and removing her coat. “I went a step beyond, I’ve got a replacement for ya.” She grabbed her bag, already going over combo maps and other important data in her head for the big day.

Taiga gave a small wave without turning away from his work, his non-verbal way of wishing her goodnight. He may be a bit more grumpy due to over booking the past few days, but his care for Nico were still in there. Nico gave him a quick pat on the back. A few more days and his nightmare week of work would be over. Taiga gave a small grunt in response, reaching for his coffee cup.

“Gnite, see you tomorrow!” She was already out the door when Nico realized she’d accidentally blurted out her usual departure line. Pausing for half a second, her brain backpedaled momentarily. Ultimately, she decided not to correct herself. There was information she needed to go over, and every second she was distracted was the gold trophy slipping away from her grip.

Taiga walked in to work the next morning, swearing he was forgetting something. He double checked his keys twice, made sure he was in his scrubs three times, and checked that he’d grabbed his coffee cup (which hadn’t left his hand since he picked it up.) He looked at his clipboard of appointments for the day, racking his brain for whatever the _something_ was.

He looked up as he entered his office, expecting Nico to be sitting on the bench as usual, mashing away at her game console.

He was wrong for the first time that day.

Parad was sitting attentively, looking very excited to be sitting in a hospital office. He’d adorned Nico’s usual hospital outfit, which clearly did not fit him well at all. He squinted for a moment, looking down to make sure the drink in his hand was coffee. Shrugging, he took a swig and sat down at his desk. It was too early to be hallucinating like this.

“Good morning, Taiga!”

It briefly crossed his mind that this was some new strain of the Bugster Virus. One that made others look like Parad. One that made others sound like Parad. One that made others smell like Parad. He frowned. Why could he smell Parad so strongly?

“Ready to help out today!” He said with his usual enthusiasm towards life. Said Bugster was currently leaning over his shoulder, uncomfortably close for the early hour of 6am. Did bugsters just have a caffeinate option? Was there a Coffee Gamer Bugster out there that they’d failed to see during the Chronicle Crisis? The tired doctor kind of hoped for a coffee strain of the virus, after the long week he was having.

Realizing Parad was, in fact, not moving until he got a reply, Taiga grunted out a simple “Yeah.” before downing more of his drink. Why was Parad here again?

“Nico asked me to fill in today, since she had something important.” The Bugster must have picked up on his confusion, and he pulled out a calendar with a date circled on it, and shoved it in front of his screen. In the middle of the sloppy marking, Nico’s messy scrawl read ‘_BIG TOURNEY TODAY’_ in bright red marker. Something about his tone implied he’d also wanted to enter said event. Taiga was still trying to wake up his tired brain enough to process this was the real Parad, and not some fever dream from overworking last night.

He nodded slowly, wanting to start on his morning routine of checking mail. Parad took the nod as understanding, and put the calendar he’d unceremoniously ripped off the wall back. Taiga watched it fall to the floor, Parad unaware he’d ripped the hole it hung by open with his excitement. ‘_This guy’s… really excited to be here.’_ he noted, starting down his list of emails from various other branches of the hospital.

Parad went back to sitting on the bench behind him, still overly excited considering he was sitting in a hospital office. There was the sound of feet scuffing, which the tired doctor could only assume was him swinging his feet.

Nearly an hour later, Parad was still as enthusiastic as when Taiga had just walked in. Having finished reading his mail, Taiga was trying to see what kind of schedule he had for the day. The key word being _trying. _He was still occupied with figuring out why on earth Parad was this excited to do something as monotonous as watch him check email.

He furrowed his brow, trying to recall what he knew about the bugster. Something something Emu’s Bugster, something about being pretty much conjoined twins... It was dawning on him he didn’t really interact with Parad much. Aside from that one dream he’d had where they fought some evil organization called ‘_Great Shocker’_ together, the radiologist didn’t spend much time thinking about him.

Taiga half considered sending his assistant to ask Hirro or Emu about the Bugster, before realizing Parad was filling the role today. Still, he should probably give some sort of task to Emu’s double. Poor kid had been here before him, and was still waiting for something to do. Nico usually knew the morning routine and arrived an hour late with a second coffee to accommodate for his inability to function in the morning.

“Parad.”

The speed Parad practically materialized next to him caught him off guard, especially since he did in fact, teleport from the bench to him. “How can I help?” Something about how he was bouncing on his feet gave Taiga the impression he was approaching this like a game. He wasn’t sure if that was good or bad.

“Can you get me a coffee refill?” Parad happily took his empty cup, promptly disappearing out the door. How did Emu put up with this guy?

Realizing the best time to ask was while Parad was out, Taiga whipped out his phone and dialed the CR doctor. There was two rings before Poppy answered with a cheery "Cyber Rescue Center, Poppy speaking!" Maybe she also had the coffee strain of the virus.

"Is Emu on call?"

"Pi-pa-perfect timing Taiga! He's just talking with Parad now. I'll get him now." There was the sound of Poppy putting the phone down.

Taiga rubbed the bridge of his nose. _How_ had his temporary assistant gotten to CR so fast, and why was he there?

"CR Center, Emu." There was the sound of Parad shouting a greeting in the background.

"It's Taiga."

"Oh, good morning Taiga! I was just talking with Parad about you. How do you like your coffee?"

"Black, two espresso shots-- Wait, why is he--?"

"He said Black, two shots of espresso. You could have just asked him yourself, you know." Emu's speech was muffled, like he had the receiver to his chest. "No, that doesn't make you a bad assistant. Taiga is just a grumpy person in the morning-"

Taiga briefly considered asking for Dan to infect him with the coffee strain. It would help with his current workload. Maybe asking for another shot of espresso would produce similar effects without risk of death. Or infecting his already sick patients with more illnesses. That was important too.

He was brought out of his train of thought when he realized Emu had been talking to him again. “-his way to the break room now, so he should be back soon.”

“Right, uh- thank you.”

“Anyway, what did you need? You did call me.”

It was at this moment Taiga realized he’d forgotten why he called Emu in the first place. He stalled out for a moment, trying to recall his train of thought. Right, Parad. “I called to ask about Parad-”

“Oh, Parad! He’s very excited to work with you today, been talking about it non-stop for the last three weeks. “ There was the sound of alarms in the background, followed by Poppy saying something urgently. “Shoot, we have a patient, I’ve got to go. Sorry; if you need anything else, Parad is all yours today.” there was a click, and Taiga was alone in his office.

He took a deep breath, rubbing his forehead. It was only one day, surely he can get through _one day_ with a bugster he knew next to nothing about. The dude was apparently very zealous about being here, so it shouldn’t be _too_ bad, right?

It was around lunch when Taiga finished his consultant meetings for the day. Somehow, having a living program as an assistant was actually going smoother than he’d expected. In his tired haze, he’d forgotten things in his office, only to turn around and have Parad teleporting back with said item in hand. Despite Parad having no phone device on him, Taiga found his calendar was still being updated via Nico’s account. He was also punctually reminding him about his next appointment a consistent 15 minutes before said appointment. Taiga found himself slightly jealous of Emu having two Bugster assistants and Dan. Maybe not Dan.

“You’re free for the next hour, then you have a couple of treatments from two till five in wing C.” Parad’s informative tone did nothing to mask his joy. It was still strange how… pleased he was to be sitting in on diagnosing meetings. Outside of Taiga telling his assistant info to write down, it was probably boring for the Bugster. And yet.

“Lunch break.” Now that he’d been moving for a few hours, he was much more awake. Taiga handed Parad his clipboard, not batting an eye as the bugster teleported away then right back. “What do you want to eat?” He might as well let his temporary assistant decide, since he’d been doing a fairly good job so far.

“There’s a restaurant nearby Emu goes to all the time, do you want to go there?” Parad offered. “They’ve got good food, and it shouldn’t be too long of a wait.”

Seeing as his plans had been to eat at the nearby McDonalds, Taiga shrugged in agreement. “I don’t see why not, I’m sure it’s nicer than my idea.”

It turns out, Parad was also thinking of McDonalds.

Taiga sat, eating away at his burger while he watched Parad run around in the play place. While he knew the manager was eyeing him for being a little too old, that wasn’t stopping him from playing on the old game consoles set up in the corner. The doctor shot a look at his phone, noticing a message from Nico.

> _In the Top 8, favoured to win by the crowd! How’s Parad doing, can he fill my amazing shoes or are you missin me big time? -N_

Taiga smiled, happy his assistant was doing well. He always put up a grumpy disposition to hide it, but he was really proud of how far she’d come. It was strange to think how self-centered she’d been before the Chronicle Crisis after having her as an assistant for the past few months.

> _Let me guess, if you lose I’ll have to come steal their Gashats?_
> 
> _I’m pretty sure nobody here even has their chronicle gashats anymore dude -N_
> 
> _Game’s old news anyway. You know we’re all here for T7 bro -N_
> 
> _Whatever you’re playing, Good luck in the top 8._
> 
> _I got this, ez-pz. -N_
> 
> _Oh shoot, round starts soon, GTG -N_
> 
> _Go kick their buts, Nico._

Taiga looked up to Parad sitting down next to him. Parad’s kid’s meal had long since been consumed before entering the playground, but he still looked around for a few fries to snack on anyway. He passed him a few from his pile, much to the Bugster’s delight. They both ate in silence, Parad messing around with his toy happily.

Taiga was just finishing off his juice when his phone went off with a familiar tone. It’d been a long time since he’d last heard it, but that didn’t stop him from immediately answering. “Snipe here, What’s the situation?”

Emu was on the other side, panting heavily. “Bugster on the loose, Requesting backup.” There was faint, manic laughter that could only belong to Dan, followed by a loud explosion noise. Based on the rumble he felt, they were nearby. “Can I borrow Parad for a-”

“We’ll be right there.” Taiga shoved the last fries in his mouth, motioning to Parad they were leaving. Without saying a word, the bugster teleported away, returning with both of their Drivers. Taiga grabbed his, and was about to leave when Parad stopped him.

“Wait, we have to take our garbage out!” He quickly scooped up both trays, coat swishing behind him as he beelined straight to a garbage bin. “Help me sort this so we can get to the game field!”

Taiga took a moment to think about how his life had led him to this situation while he sorted out the paper recycling. Here he was, a medically trained radiologist with bonus Bugster Virus experience, standing in a McDonalds. Sorting his garbage, while a medical emergency was happening nearby. Taiga hoped nobody from the hospital could see him right now.

Emu was currently in the middle of picking himself off the ground when the two arrived. Dan was being held back by Poppy, who was scolding him for something about his life counter being low, and that she should be the one to finish the fight. Without hesitation, Parad ran over to help his double up.

“Team doctor buddies here to back you up!” he slapped his own driver on dramatically, looking back at Taiga and motioning for him to join the pose. The radiologist walked up to join him, more to protect the exhausted, untransformed Emu from more harm than to look cool with Parad. “Now you've got my heart boiling!”

“Tactics no. 2” Taiga skipped straight to his second level, assuming the nearby bugster on a rampage was already separated from its host. He pulled out his Gashacon Magnum.. “What’s the mission status?”

“This is Coffistra. She seems to be from a bootleg game, the game is called ‘Barista Panic 3: Coffee Chaos’. You play as a waitress who-”

Taiga decided he’d heard enough, and motioned for ParaDX to move in. “Coffee Gamer. Got it.” He moved to get a better position on Coffistra. Ignoring his thoughts of getting infected with the disease from earlier that morning, Snipe finally got a look at what he was fighting.

Coffistra’s body was a dark brown, with a skirt that looked like an upside down teacup, with liquid-y looking brown dips mid-splash along the hem. What appeared to be croissants lined her torso in a bread-y blouse. A strong coffee smell filled the air, reminding Taiga of the smell of his own office. Her fists were large take-out cups which were currently firing a stream of steamy-brown liquid at what used to be a sign for a coffee shop.

Before he could decide on a plan of action, ParaDX was already in Coffistra’s face, throwing punches. His rush of blows knocked the bugster back, a large “PERFECT” sign appearing on the last hit. Not one to be outdone, Snipe followed up with a volley of shots on the still mid-air coffee bugster.

Moving to join ParaDX, Snipe watched as Coffistra used a fountain of coffee from her fists to cushion her fall. She turned, steaming pouring from her head. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“We could ask you the same thing.” Snipe deadpanned. Judging by what was left of the nearby clock, his lunch break would be ending soon. He didn’t want to keep his patients waiting.

“_I’m_ making room for my new coffee shop, biscuit-brain!” She growled, stomping her foot in annoyance. “Now are you going to let me boil this building or am I going to have to dunk you fools too?”

“Let’s take her down, Snipe!” ParaDX bounced between his feet, pulling out his Parabragun. Somehow, it hit Snipe that he was showing the same level of enthusiasm towards fighting together as he’d had earlier in the office. He grunted in affirmation, deciding to not put too much thought into it.

The two of them both activated their finishers, ParaDX slashing Coffistra into the air with a vertical blow. Snipe took advantage of the bugster’s dazed tumbling to shoot a massive energy blast into her face. ParaDX rocketed up, and brought his axe-gun down, slamming Coffistra into the ground with a solid _thunk_ noise.

“Steeped too long..!” Was all she was able to say before exploding, a large “GAME CLEARED” sign appearing above. ParaDX landed next to Snipe, doing a quick spin and holding out his hand. Snipe looked at his extended arm for a moment, half wondering if his assistant had forgotten he was, in fact, not Ex-Aid. Not wanting to let him down, he gave him a hi-five.

Parad untransformed, a large grin on his face. Taiga took off his driver as well, tucking it into his coat. Emu limped over, quickly being supported by his Bugster. “Thanks, sorry to call you when you’re busy-”

“Don’t worry, we were on lunch break.” He looked over to see Poppy scolding Dan, who was clearly too busy being mad about something or other along the lines of ‘bootleg game’. He still had his driver on and was trying to get his gashat back, oblivious to the fact the threat had already been dealt with. “Are you going to be ok?”

Emu gave a weak thumbs-up, but a strong smile. “Just a little out of shape, and used to having a bit more… useful backup.” He glanced at Dan in particular. There was a story there, but Taiga wasn’t sure he wanted to ask. Emu managed to stand himself up, thanking Parad for the help. “Thanks again, I think I can handle it from here.”

“Emu, you sure?” Parad looked concerned, head turning from his human double to the person he was assisting for the day.

“Positive. You enjoy hanging out with Taiga, Poppy and I can finish up here.” He patted his partner on the shoulder, and made his way over towards the other two riders. Parad waved enthusiastically, shouting his thanks loudly.

Taiga checked his watch, realizing they had just over- “You next appointment is in 15 minuites, room 217 with one Kijima Hayato.” Parad said, not missing a beat. “I’ll go grab your clipboard, anything else you need for the meeting?”

Later that night, Nico stopped in the office, large trophy in hand. She dunked it down on the table, proudly posing alongside it. “Genius Gamer N strikes again!” Parad, who was still hanging around, clapped happily for her.

“Congrats, Nico.” Taiga spun around in his chair, deciding he’d done enough work for the night. Considering with Parad’s superhuman assistant abilities had gotten him caught up on paperwork and e-mails a whole hour early, he was okay with leaving a bit early tonight.

“The prize money’s preeee-ty sweet too, although I’m here for the glory.” She joined Parad on the bench, quickly relaying the day’s events to her friend. When she realized Taiga was still listening, she paused. “Did you get a lot of cancelations today?”

Parad perked up, quickly responding with “We managed to finish early today!” He grinned widely, reminding Taiga like a happy puppy looking for approval. He gave a small smile back, fairly content with the bugster’s help. He may not have been as efficient as Nico, since she already knew the routine; but he made up for it with his abilities as a Bugster.

“You know what? As congrats on the win, and thanks for the help today, let’s go out for sushi.” He stood, shedding his doctor’s coat and grabbed his yellow shawl off the coat hook. “It’s on me.” He added, half wondering if Parad had any money to his name. Did bugsters care about money? Did they even need to eat…?

Regardless of his thoughts, the two gamers jumped up excitedly, hi-fiving and talking about what they wanted to eat. Taiga heard mention of blowfish from Parad, and began worrying over his wallet as the group exited the hospital together. Maybe his fever dream of fighting alongside Parad wasn’t real, but after today’s… _interesting_ day, he honestly wouldn’t mind working with him more. _Maybe._

As long as he dropped the ‘constantly excited over boring things’, best buds style attitude.


End file.
